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Things happen to me that just don't happen to other people. Those of you who have read my journal before know what bizarre customers we have sometimes, well today guess what....they were all normal, no poop, no screaming meltdowns, just pick ups and drops offs and a lot of "Happy Easter"s. Nice.



The weirdness happened when I decided to head to Shopko after work, there was a great sale on and I thought I would get some stuff. I go to check out and right behind me comes a grandma and two bouncy grandkids, both girls. The grandma had to tell them twice "Give that lady (me) some room" because they kept running into me...one kid even put her hands on my ass and pushed, trying to get me to move up faster! I turned around and said EXCUSE ME, do NOT put your hands on my rear end. Grandma was all apologetic and literally pulled the kids back, but they kept bouncing up closer and closer. I happened to drop the receipt the clerk gave me, and when I bent to pick it up....one of the kids spun around and I got her crotch right in my damn face.



WTF!! The kid shouted "OW!" and grandma really gave her a yank back and said GET BACK HERE NOW!! Then she said to me "Are you all right? I'm SO sorry! They just had too much sugar!" Oh yeah, I'm fine. I always love a face full of pre-teen cooter right at lunch time. Jeezus.



There. Got that off my chest. The rest of the weekend I am going to be a total sloth. Well, maybe not completely...I need to do laundry. Grr.

COMMENTS

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Bijou
22:11 Apr 23 2011

LOL...even your trips to the grocery store are memerable.

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ChasingTheGhost
18:24 Apr 24 2011

This just cracked me up....

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RedQueen
07:18 Apr 26 2011

I'm sorry- but if that thang had been right in my face, the rest of her would have landed on the floor immediately thereafter.



Cross stitch/ tea/ The Borgias...lol

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My day was filled with crazy crap from the minute I got to work till I got out. And I mean crap literally, as you will soon see. One of the first customers I waited on, a man I had never seen before, came in and put a pair of pants on the counter and said he wanted them cleaned. Then he stepped back.



Well, well. That is never a good sign. It usually means there is something in those pants he does not want to touch, and is not going to voluntarily tell me about it either. So I ask. "Anything in there we need to know about? Stains? Body soils?" He shakes his head. Well, maybe it's a big hole in the crotch. Guys usually don't mention that either. So I hold up the pants to see if I can find a hole....



.. ...and a fresh hot steamer falls out of one leg and plops onto my counter. Yep, my friends, a turd.



My boss was right there, and so was the seamstress. They both sprang into action at the same time. The seamstress shouted something unprintable, scooped up the pants and the poop and shoved them back at the guy, and my boss held the door open. Customer was all shocked and surprised. "I'm a CUSTOMER....I should get SERVICE!!" he spluttered.



"You should get ARRESTED, bringing us a pantload full of poop and not saying anything about it!" the seamstress shouted back at him. "GET OUT!!"



It took us a good half hour to clean up the desk (the load was semi-solid and had splattered) and spray air freshener around. THAT started my day off. The seamstress kept saying to me "What is it with people bringing us poop?" And as we kept going, this being a holiday weekend, customers had totally lost track of time and forgot Easter was coming, wanted their suits and so on cleaned, but left it to the last minute, and quite a few of them got caught short.



We had Mrs Bitchypants and her daughter trying to get their dresses cleaned. They brought them in at 3:30, and wanted them by 6. WTF? The daughter threw a mini-tantrum, stamped her feet and started to cry...and this kid was at least 16. We explained that NO ONE would be able to clean their clothes in the time they had allotted. It was too late. Mom pounded on the counter and growled..."It is NOT too late...YOU MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!"



Ok, what the hell? You think by shouting you can get something to happen that isn't possible? It's really sad to see grown people resorting to this, instead of owning the fact that they left it too late and the time got away from them. We had to put up with this all day, and when I say "we", I mean me. My boss was busy in back, hustling to get the ton of clothes out that we had taken in the day before.



I think I need a drink. A double.

COMMENTS

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Morrigon
02:08 Apr 23 2011

Is there some kind of disorder name for people who get off on delivering clothing with poop in it?

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Bijou
02:53 Apr 23 2011

a great big EWWWW for your 1st customer and for the 2nd they just need a good'ol bitch slap

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RedQueen
07:17 Apr 26 2011

I'm with Bijou on this one- both ways. I cannot believe that people can be that disgusting.



Oh wait.....yes I can.....journal entry to follow soon...

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Sarah Palin was in Madison today. Just when we get a modicum of calm and quiet after weeks of people protesting in the state capital over the Gov's budget crunch, now this.



Tea Party people were out in force. I missed it, I was at work and no TV to watch, but customers were coming in telling me the crowds were hellacious.



And on top of that, it was cold and snowing. Won't spring EVER get here? I bet we go straight into summer as we do sometimes. Grr.

Guy walks into the shop today while I am waiting on a female customer. She can't see him because he is behind her. What does he do but take his shoes off and plonk them on the counter, not caring that I am waiting on her and she has her clothes on the counter. I am sorting the clothes and checking them in.



All of a sudden the SMELL hits us...from the shoes. She gets a whiff and turns around "Geezus," she says to him,"that's enough to knock a buzzard off a shit wagon."



That did it for me. I was helpless for a few minutes. I thought if I held back laughing I would fart (I know this happens from painful personal experience) so the poor guy just had to stand there for a bit till I could compose myself. He kept saying "I want my shoes fixed! I want them fixed NOW!"



Boss comes round the corner. "What do you need done?" he asks the guy, then the boss gets a whiff of the shoes and starts to cough. They were disgustingly horrible.



"I need new soles and heels, laces and polish, and RIGHT NOW because I am in a hurry!" the guy was rattling on. Evidently he didn't believe in waiting his turn. Boss picks up the shoes and looks at them. They have holes in the soles so big I could put my fist thru, the uppers were cracked...they were about ten minutes from completely disintegrating. "I'm sorry," Boss tells him."These are done. We can't get a sole on here. Your uppers are cracked and rotten."



The guy got all huffy. "I've had them awhile (read: years and years and years and years) but I thought they were still good. I wear them every day."



The lady customer couldn't take anymore. "Will you please put those back on! The smell is horrible!" He put them on right quick and left, still muttering. When he had gone she said to me "Men, honestly. Get them off the titty and they are no damn good."



That made my whole day.

COMMENTS

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deringerdan
00:57 Apr 14 2011

lmao.. good one ;)

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Bijou
01:06 Apr 14 2011

the money he would of spent repairing would have bought him new shoes.........lol shit wagon i'm gonna have to remeber that one

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Saetan
01:21 Apr 14 2011

i nearly choked reading this - was hilarious!

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
01:30 Apr 14 2011

OHHHH HELL NO!! Me and hubby are howling!!! That's great.

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Vampirewitch39
01:58 Apr 14 2011

LOL :)

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PhoenicianDream
04:05 Apr 14 2011

Oh man. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with people like that. =l

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RedQueen
08:23 Apr 14 2011

ROFLMAO!



Child, really- I honestly don't know how you do it- and I know ALL about holding in laughter till you fart.....



God, you are priceless....

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BLOODLIFE
08:37 Apr 15 2011

lol

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NLW
17:34 Apr 19 2011

Hahaha! My friend's son will be fifteen in December, and his feet smell like vomit! I am not kidding. Every time I'm at her house, I make him go wash his feet!

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The local paper called us a couple weeks ago to see if we wanted to run an ad in the upcoming Bridal Guide. All the local retailers that cater to brides, grooms and weddings run ads in this annual edition, plus helpful articles on various wedding-related topics.



This year, for some obscure reason, we were the only dry cleaner to run an ad. So we plumped for a nice big ad, with our logo at the top, and a coupon for $20 off our wedding keepsake process. Current national average price is between $150 and $200, but we only charge $120, so with the coupon, it's a real steal. We added "Crinolines, veils and shoes extra". The crinoline, or underskirt, is usually so poofy it won't fit in the keepsake box, so we package them separately. Same with the shoes. The veils we can usually put in the box with the dress, it depends on the veil.



Anyway. The nice lady from the advertising section of the paper came round, and we went over the ad with her to make sure she understood what we wanted. She assured us she would send us a proof before it was published. And off she went.



A couple weeks go by, and suddenly my boss says to me "Did we ever get that proof from the bridal section ad?" I said no, not that I recall. He just shrugged and we forgot about it. Then, the other day, the Bridal Section came out, and there was our ad.Our jaws dropped when we got to the line under our coupon.



Some idiot had changed crinoline to Krylon. Yes folks, the ad read "Krylon veils and shoes extra." What in the name of sweet flipping pancakes? KRYLON?? That's a brand of spray paint. Nothing to do with a wedding keepsake. Boss phoned the nice lady at the paper, told her we had not seen a proof, and now the ad said Krylon and not Crinoline.



"Oh," the ad lady said. "No one here knew what crinoline was. They figured you meant Krylon."



My boss went up in the air. "We didn't see a proof and you published THAT!" The lady backpedaled like mad, and hastily reassured us she would be round the next day with a re-vamped ad for us to approve.



She duly came the next day with the ad that she had changed, but crinoline was still spelled with a K, and there was no comma between crinoline and veils so it looked like Crinolineveils. This was changed, and she told us the corrected ad would run the following day, which it did. But meantime, we had some practical jokers phoning us and saying "Y'all clean Krylon veils? I have a dozen I'll bring in."



Do young ladies these days really not know what a crinoline is? Perhaps if they don't work for a clothing or wedding-related place, but golly. Krylon. Sheesh.

COMMENTS

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NLW
02:41 Apr 13 2011

Wow! Just....Wow!

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Morrigon
02:49 Apr 13 2011

I have no idea what it is.



However, I HAVE heard of Google and usually when I'm taking someone's money, I bother to double check.

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RedQueen
06:31 Apr 13 2011

Being a respectable southern woman, I most assuredly know what a crinoline is, can spell it, and know how to properly wear one and how to sit down with one on, thank you very much...LMAO

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Requiem
00:04 Apr 14 2011

Me too. I also know, first hand, it's itchy as hell. o.o

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Sometimes, VR is JUST like real life. Go into a room, be pleasant and say hello, get totally ignored. Leave.

COMMENTS

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Morrigon
03:01 Apr 12 2011

Sorry, sometimes people are in a conversation and don't notice much around them.

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DustMote
03:12 Apr 12 2011

Bah. People these days.

I painted a tree person in acrylic last night, I thought of you haha, you said you liked one of them. But today, since I really didn't like the acrylic tree person, I spattered it with paint.

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Isis101
03:14 Apr 12 2011

yeap.

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Bones
03:30 Apr 12 2011

Aww, does somebody need a hug? ;)

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CarnelianMyst
03:36 Apr 12 2011

No hug needed. Lesson learned.

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Saetan
03:46 Apr 12 2011

That, or if you actually speak to someone, then someone else will make a snotty comment or remark to you or in reference to you - even when you were speaking to someone else. And the sad part? You've never done anything to that person before.

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chrysanthemia
02:35 Apr 13 2011

I've not heard (nor seen I guess) the word "snotty" used in aaaages!



Perfect!

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Outside my window, 2:55 a.m., in the parking lot next to my apartment building.



Male voice, intoxicated: "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRB!"



Barb, also in the parking lot: "What?"



Him: "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"



Her: "Right here, outside the car. Look. LOOK! Right here."



Him: "I can't see you! BAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRB!! I AM BLIND! I CAN'T SEEE YOU! OH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWD!'



Her: "Take your fucking sunglasses off, you moron. It's dark out."



Him: "Oh GAWWWWWWWWD, I thought I was going BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND."



Her: "Cheap weed does that to people. GET YOUR ASS IN THE HOUSE!!"

COMMENTS

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NocturnalMistress
03:01 Apr 09 2011

LOL @ her last comment. :P

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PhoenicianDream
03:16 Apr 09 2011

Awesome

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Bijou
03:23 Apr 09 2011

Thats why you always shell out for the good weed.

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
05:45 Apr 09 2011

LMAO! Priceless!

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PandorasBx
03:18 Apr 10 2011

LMFAO!

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RedQueen
20:18 Apr 11 2011

*Head in hands*



especially since with the cheap weed it turns up your internal olume. A lot.

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Isis101
03:14 Apr 12 2011

Hee hee...the first person I though of was my ex when he had the 'cheap weed'...no wonder he was always so insistent that he got the 'good stuff...But then again, he was a dummy 24/7...with or without the weed.

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A couple entries ago, I posed a trivia question about the movie All About Eve. It was described as "triple S" and I asked if anyone knew what that meant. I had a couple guesses, but no correct answers, so I will post the answer here now.



It was called Triple S because 3 of the actors in the movie committed suicide. Guess which 3? Firstly, and probably most famously, Marilyn Monroe, although there is some doubt as to whether she actually did the deed herself, or was helped along. Secondly, Addison DeWitt himself, George Sanders. He famously left a note behind which read in part: "Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored." That always knocked me out. Imagine being bored with the world! Jaded was probably closer to the truth, and he had been ill.



Thirdly, the one no one ever gets right. Barbara Bates. Who? Why, Phoebe of course...the final character of the movie, who sneaks into Eve's hotel room and winds up wearing Eve's cloak and holding an award in front of a set of mirrors. Obviously, an Eve in training.



More trivia to come.

COMMENTS

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ChasingTheGhost
01:10 Apr 08 2011

All About Eve is also an 80's(ish) girly bands.... I bet they got their name from the movie. Now I have to see it!

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RedQueen
22:37 Apr 08 2011

I always kept thinking I had seen Barbara Bates in something else, but I was wrong. According to IMdB, Sanders told David Niven in 1937, that he intended to commit suicide when he got older. In 1972, he fulfilled his promise, leaving this note: "Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.". He was coerced into selling a home in Majorca he adored by a woman he had taken up with, and a few days later checked into a Majorca hotel and killed himself.

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I went to the store to find a new ice-cube tray and came home with a new vacuum cleaner. Well, I needed one...I am SO sick of messing around with vacuum cleaner bags, with my allergies, every time I'd open the compartment to get the bag out I would sneeze for hours. I got a Hoover Windtunnel bagless lightweight, it was on sale for $70. I thought that was a great deal, since the Dyson next to it (which I was coveting the hell out of) was $300 and did about the same things.



I would hit the store when all the big sales were on. Since I have my tax return on the way, I decided to bust out and get a couple things I was going to get anyway...hence the vacuum. I used to have a Kirby years ago, liked that a lot, but it was very heavy. And the bags were expensive. So now I have this nice little lightweight model. And I didn't have to assemble it like I did the last one....grrr.



Then I wandered into the section my mother used to call "foundation garments." Doesn't that sound like concrete and pipes and things? Well, some of that probably went into what I bought...bras and underwear. Usually I have a hard time finding anything decent in my size, but they must have just got all new stock in this morning, so I got the pick of all the stuff. Woo!



Wandered past the video section and a nice looking guy popped out to see if I needed any help finding anything. "I'm not busy right now, I can help you if you like," he said earnestly. Sadly for him, I already have a stack of dvds here that I haven't watched, so I reluctantly tore myself away from the Black Swan display, passed the Twilight stuff, and headed for the check out.



Went to the pet shop and got seed and treats for my birds. As soon as I go in there, the cockatiels in the bird room start wolf whistling, so I whistle back and go in to say hello. Were they gorgeous! They were already half-tamed and had their wings clipped....oooh I would have loved one. There were a lot of new parakeets too, but I will stay with my two birds for now. They are about all I can handle.



Toddled home to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Cheers!

COMMENTS

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BLOODLIFE
22:25 Apr 02 2011

I can't help laughing at your opening sentence. Not going shopping with you :-p

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Bijou
22:34 Apr 02 2011

I have a hoover windtunnel and I love it. But I had to laugh at your opening sentance I went for ice cube trays and came home with a vacum lol it reminds me of the story when a mom sends the kid to the store for one thing and he/she comes home with a toy.

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Requiem
22:42 Apr 02 2011

I came home with a dishwasher. O.o







Well, it's what I went IN for ... but still. heh.

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
22:56 Apr 02 2011

LMAO! Priceless. I am sure you'll find your ice cube trays some day soon. They have so many to choose from. You might even come home with a new side by side fridge and freezer LOL!!!



Joking.

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CarnelianMyst
00:29 Apr 03 2011

Oh I got the ice cube tray also! It's aqua, looks hot! Since I live in an apartment building, when the appliance goes tits up, I get a new one, all I have to do is let them know. No dishwashers alas...but I might want a new stove one of these days soon.

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Here's a shout-out to RedQueen and our shared adoration of All About Eve. In the book "All About All About Eve" by Sam Staggs, the film is referred to as "Triple S". Can you catch the refernce, what is meant by that?

COMMENTS

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RedQueen
19:58 Apr 02 2011

Ima disqualify myself under the circumstances...lol

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